Only Fools Rush a New Relationship
By Claire Aldrich
When you begin dating someone new and you're so excited you've found each other, it's easy to start jumping three steps ahead and planning where you'd like to go on vacation, when your new sweetie should meet your family, and how soon you could move in together. Having positive expectations about the relationship is good, but resist the impulse to move too fast. The reasons are plentiful.
Rushing Risk #1
If your mind gets ahead of your heart and you start expecting the relationship to be permanent, you might miss some warning signs of your incompatibility. You'll need to learn how you and your new sweetheart get along with each other for extended periods of time before mixing in friends and family. You might find that you get on each other's nerves in some way. You might find that your communication styles are way different. You might even find that you're not so compatible in the bedroom.
Rushing Risk #2
If you've had a few dates and you're already imagining the wedding and the children you'll have, you need to slow it waaay down! Your hopes and dreams may not match up with your new lover's plans. Explore what you each want out of the relationship before assuming that you're both in it for the long term. Some people go into a relationship not wanting a deep commitment. Maybe he or she has been hurt before and isn't ready for a lifetime partnership. Maybe your sweetie has plans to move away for work and hasn't had a chance to discuss it with you yet. Keep your eyes and ears open, and don't impose your expectations on the other person.
Rushing Risk #3
Even if your new lover has similar hopes that you'll be the real thing, you risk scaring him or her off if you express that desire too soon. When you're together for extended time periods, you start opening your eyes to your sweetheart's weak spots. And vice versa. Lots of people have the impulse to pull back in the early weeks of dating. If you start talking about growing old together while your lover is noticing your less attractive tendencies, you might push that withdrawal period into a full-blown 180-degree turn.
Rushing Risk #4
Some people want a relationship so badly that they ignore their own reservations about their partner. Give yourself time to see the pros and cons of this new relationship clearly before jumping to conclusions about the eventual outcome. If you want what's best for yourself, you want someone who treats you with respect and consideration, who is fun to spend time with, and who makes your heart flutter extra fast and your skin tingle when you brush against each other. Give yourself time to assess how you really feel before you start planning too far ahead.
Despite all these warnings about moving too fast, you can also be too cautious. Don't go to the other extreme because you're afraid you'll make a mistake or get hurt. Let things move along with a natural rhythm, not too fast or too slow, and enjoy the journey together!
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