Friendly Fire: 3 Ways Your Friends Can Wreck a Romance
By Laura Snyder
Your friends tell you everything and you, too, often share even the tiniest detail of your relationships with them.† But all that sharing isnít necessarily a good thing.†
Sometimes friendships arenít so friendly to your romances.† The hidden dangers:
Friendly Fire #1: Comparisons
After hearing your best friend recount the sordid details of his latest tryst or how your best girlfriendís new boyfriend surprised her with tickets to Tahiti, itís hard not to suddenly notice what your relationship lacks.†
Paying attention to what particular stories set off your envy Ė are you jealous of their sexual escapes or of the super-closeness they share? Ė can help you pinpoint what you need to work on in your own relationship.† But donít let couple-envy consume you.† For every wildly romantic story your friend shares, remind yourself of just what it is about your sweetie that makes you swoon.
Friendly Fire #2: Over Analysis
When you and your honey were dating it was okay to share all the details of your courtship with your friends as you tried to figure out if you were right for each other.†† But once youíve got a serious thing going, itís not only disrespectful to reveal every little problem, itís damaging.
ďIf youíre really going to form a partnership with someone, you need to let go of the man or woman-bashing and really trust that one person,Ē says Anne Rambo, associate professor of child and family therapy at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
That doesnít mean you have to stop soliciting your friends for advice.† But hereís a trick. Next time youíre tempted to confide a confidence, imagine youíre talking to your partnerís best friend.† Then youíll avoid the unnecessary complaining and stick to problem-solving.
Friendly Fire #3: Taking Too Much Advice
Itís good to get a little perspective on your problems.† The trouble starts when you take to turning to your pals every time youíve got any kind of snag with your sweetie.† Your friends may be helpful, but theyíre not professionals and should never be relied on as such.†
Your dependence on outsiders for guidance may keep you from working on solving your problems yourself.
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