By Laura Snyder

The good news first. Even though most women, when asked, will tell you that they’d never, ever forgive a cheater, anecdotal evidence (hell, just look at the tabloids!) says otherwise.

Now the bad news. Just as there are levels of cheating, there are levels of forgiveness. She may say she’s forgiven you, but expect these conditions.

Pardon Provision #1: She Can Use Your Infidelity As a Weapon.

She forgot your birthday? Yeah, well, you cheated on her. She didn’t pick up your dry cleaning, even though she promised? Yeah, well, you promised to keep it in your pants, didn’t you? And look how well that turned out. From now on, no matter what the battle, she can bring up your betrayal.

Pardon Provision #2: She Can Make You Jealous.

She’ll flirt with your friends. Your boss. The guy who sells the newspapers down the street. You’re hurt? You think you’ll tell her to tone it town? Try again. “It’s not like I’m sleeping with them!” will be her reply.

Pardon Provision #3: She’ll Press For Uncomfortable Details.

You knew to expect a hundred questions at first – Who was she? Is she prettier? Younger? Thinner? Was it good? Better than ours? Did she do this? That? When? How? Where? How many times? But she reserves the right to continue that line of questioning at any time. Years down the road, even.

Pardon Provision #4: She Can Taunt You.

She’ll suddenly pepper her conversations with the names of guys you don’t know, or don’t like, just to remind you of all the options at her disposal if she decides to get back at you. Which is usually just an idle threat…

Pardon Provision #5: She Can Cheat On You.

…Unless it’s not. She might actively seek out a “revenge affair” to restore her shattered self-esteem and to feel desirable again. Your fling is the “get out of jail free” card that may weaken her self-control when an opportunity for her own affair arises.