Get Him to Open Up
By Laura Snyder
You’ve spent enough time with your honey to know how he likes his coffee or which television shows he can’t live without. While sharing that kind of superficial information is important to understanding each other, you really need to open up about your deep, dark secrets to have real intimacy.
Fortunately, there are ways to get your sweetie to spill. Some secrets to getting him to gab:
Set the Stage
It’s just uncool to spring your sweetie with a serious “We need to talk” right as your foreplay is heating up or as you’re both rushing out the door to work. Find a quieter moment – like just before bed -- when you can both concentrate. Set the mood a little; according to a University of Connecticut study, background music makes for more satisfying conversations.
Take the Scenic Route
Not a big fan of confrontation? Try a more indirect route. Get involved in a side-by-side activity, like washing the dishes, and get him gabbing by hiding your particular issue in a seemingly innocent conversation about a friend or something you saw on television or read somewhere.
Women talk for the sake of talking, but guys just don’t see the point. So if you want him to, say, tell you about his day, ask about a particular detail – how his coworker is doing, or how that big project is coming along – instead of just wondering aloud how his day went.
Watch your reaction
Once you’ve got him blabbing, don’t pounce on his responses. “If you do get him to open up, don’t then turn on him,” says Dr. Susan Perry, author of Loving In Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay that Way. “If you can be accepting and nonjudgmental, he’ll be much more likely to be open next time.”
Talk to, not at
Good communication is two-sided. That means making sure you’re listening at least as much as you’re talking and giving your guy or gal time to chime in. “If you leave space in the conversation, the slower responder has time to think and reflect and say something,” says Perry. “If you always jump in, you’re losing half of what your guy may have said. If you slow your pace down, you may be surprised with what will pop up out of his mouth.”
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