Warning! A Synonym for 'Settling' Is 'Sinking'
By Claire Aldrich
If you're settling for less than you want in your relationship, you don't have to think too deeply about it; you know it. Friends will tell you if they think you're being too picky about whom you date. But telling you that you're settling is dangerous ground. That's because you're still tied to the less-than-ideal relationship, and they don't want to lose your friendship.
Weighing Your Catch
So you're going to have to figure this one out on your own. The big question is why are you settling? Here are a few reasons people accept a mate who's not giving them what they need:
- You're tired of looking and not finding someone even close to what you want in a partner.
- You're willing to take so-so in order to have some company and focus your romantic energy in one place.
- Loneliness is agony on those weekends when your friends are busy with their honeys.
- You know you're not perfect, so you think maybe you're being too critical of your less-than-perfect partner.
- Your sweetie cares enough to keep coming back, so there's got to be something good going for you two.
- You tell yourself that hanging out with someone - anyone! - is better than being known as the constantly single one in your crowd.
When you know you're settling, you're probably wondering what you should do about it. Friends might be telling you that you deserve better or that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. But you don't want to be alone. You need to think about what the relationship is doing to you and for you.
Danger of Sinking
When you hang out with someone you don't really respect, you're compromising your values by being in that relationship. In your own eyes, you're bringing down your self-worth. In the eyes of your friends, family and acquaintances, you're also lessening your value. They wonder what you're doing with such a loser.
Ready to Swim
Rather than hanging onto a warm body just to keep you from sinking, you'd be better off gearing up for the swim again. Floating along in a less-than-satisfactory relationship isn't good for you. You don't want to weaken your self-image. Go out with friends and practice your flirting skills. Concentrate on how attractive and desirable you are. Fake it if you have to.
When you open your eyes to the potential dating scene again, you'll be amazed how many attractive people are trying to catch your attention. Then you can use that newfound confidence to break away from your not-so-sweet sweetie. Be proud of your strength and what you have to offer. This time, hold out for ultra-desirable, not just acceptable.
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