Post-Breakup Remorse: Feel Like the Terminator?
A breakup almost always hurts, whether you're the one initiating it or the one on the receiving end. You knew the relationship wasn't working for you, and that's why you ended it. But you still feel a sense of loss. This is natural.
Sense of Failure
Even when you're the one who calls it quits with your partner, you're going to feel like a bit of a failure. Your win-loss record is not moving in the right direction. You start analyzing what went wrong, what you should have done differently. This is good, up to a point. Don't wallow in the self-flagellation though. Think about some strategies for being more successful next time, but also realize that you two just weren't meant to be together for the long term.
Loneliness and Longing
Besides feeling like you screwed up another one, you're naturally going to feel lonely. No texts coming in. No one to cuddle with while watching a movie. No one to snuggle with as you sleep late on Sunday morning. No one to give you a hug and kiss when you walk in from a hard day's work. Well, that may be true, but you've also got new opportunities to meet friends and hang out with old ones. Make plans and try some new activities.
Hope for the Future
Try to use this time to figure out who you really want to be in the next relationship. What kind of partner do you see yourself becoming? What kind of lover do you want next time? Don't focus on what went wrong. Focus on what you want to be right. And take action to make it happen. If it was communication that was lacking, practice speaking up with your friends and family. If it was your fear of taking risks, gear up for more brave new steps. Improve yourself to improve the outcome next time.
No matter how painful this breakup is, you know it will pass. Don't expect to feel fantastic immediately. You're going to have waves of hurt and of relief. Just keep reaching out to friends and family and you'll reach that pain-free healing zone eventually.
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