After being together for two years, we just got married six months ago. Everything was going well, but he soon started having anxiety attacks. Instead of talking to me about it, he talks to his parents and sister. He says it has something to do with being homesick but I don't know what to do. He wants me to be by his side and support him but won't even talk to me about what's bothering him. He plans to visit a doctor but meanwhile he sleeps at his parents' house. I tried my best to make him feel comfortable, I am clean, organized, I can cook and love doing stuff for the house. I am going insane. Did we move too fast? Are we too young? PLEASE HELP?! -- Gina, 22
While you are indeed young, Gina, a lot of couples marry early and make a go of it, so that doesn't explain anything. The problem I see here is that your new husband is having second thoughts about being married, only it would have been better if he'd had them before the wedding, not now. Was the wedding done on impulse? I strongly urge you to talk with him or with his family and get them to urge him to see a doctor immediately. If he's having anxiety attacks, he may be struggling with clinical depression or some other malady. I might also suggest you step back a little bit and let him handle this however he needs to, at least for a while longer. He's not saying he doesn't want to be with you, although his sleeping away from you is a bit alarming. Your own anxiety (you say you're going insane) could be exacerbating his own. Everyone needs to mellow out. Now, if he doesn't start confiding in you within a few weeks at most, you may have to rethink this marriage.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.