Heart and Mind at War
Two plus years ago when I was a senior in high school, I was introduced by one of my friends to this lovely girl who took my breath away. We began going to school dances and she even asked me to Sadie's (where the girl asks the guy to the dance). Now this year at college I ended up being in a class with her but we don't even talk or wave or even look at each other. I don't say or do anything because I feel she probably disliked me before and now she doesn't want to get to know me anymore. I just don't want to ruin her day by trying to re-introduce myself to her. She was the nicest and kindest girl I've ever met. My heart tells me not to less this great moment pass by, but my mind tells me to think logically that she won't be interested in me at all. I just need some advice, please help. -- Robert, 20
You're pretty unsure of yourself, aren't you, Robert? C'mon, be brave, say hi to this girl you've gone out with in the past. Don't assume she disliked you. That's so unlikely, since she even asked you out once. She probably thinks you're ignoring her. If she's as nice and kind as you imagine, she won't hold it against you if you make friendly overtures to get to know one another again. The worst that can happen is she won't show any interest, in which case you won't be any worst off than you are now, miserably mooning over her in private. As for the battle between your heart and mind, you're a little confused. It's almost the reverse of what you're saying. It's your sensible brain that's telling you not to let this moment pass by, and your insecure frightened emotional self that says, "No, hold off, she won't like you, don't take a chance, the world will end if she says no, don't reach out!" This is one of those cases where you should follow your mind.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.