Her Fear of Rejection
This guy and I had an instant attraction when we began working together over a year ago. We went on a few dates, but things couldn't go further as he became my supervisor and people always talked about us. A few months ago he got a new job. Trouble is I've really fallen for him. We still chat and text, and I still see him as he lives near me. To this day he says I'm beautiful, and I think he may still have a torch for me. He doesn't know how I feel, but I'm scared of rejection even though it's unlikely. He was dating a girl when he left work but wasn't into her too much as I saw them together and they were never close like he was with me. I think he's no longer with her. Please help, I see a future together for us! -- Martha, 21
Does this crystal ball show you and him talking together, I mean genuinely communicating (not just "chatting"), or is the picture totally fuzzy? The only way to clear up this fog is to take a risk, because there can't be a relationship without a leap into the unknown. You had great times, you still "chat and text," you like him, you suspect he likes you. "Rejection" would only mean he's with someone else or he's not interested in taking your friendly flirting to the next level. It wouldn't mean you are unattractive; after all, he thinks you're beautiful. Of course, you know that lots of men think lots of women are beautiful, but that alone means nothing. So you have to take a chance and be slightly assertive. Next time you chat, say, "Are you still with that girl I saw you with?" If he says he's not, say, "Or with anyone?" If he admits he's girlfriend-free, say, "Wanna get together and talk about old times?" I think he'll take it from there. You needn't confess your passion right off. Be friendly and see what happens. You have nothing to lose but your dilemma.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.