Let Her Have Sex Elsewhere?
Would it be right to encourage my wife to have sex with another man for her benefit and sanity if we can't because of my medical problem? -- Mike, 52
There's "right" and there's "right." Are you absolutely incapable of providing her with affection and sensual pleasure and satisfaction? (Are you in an iron lung and totally immobile?!) There are numerous ways to do that short of outsourcing the job. I worry that if you won't do what you can yourself to help her, you're opening up the marriage to the possibility of her falling in love with someone else, bringing home a disease, or introducing complications you never intended or imagined. First I'd try every possible alternative between the two of you. Then if she's pushing for outside interludes rather than you encouraging her to do this to make up for your own sense of guilt or inadequacy, make certain you've discussed the idea openly and decided on how much you can handle and how much you want to know about what she does with other men. Even then, she needs to proceed cautiously.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.