She Wants Out!
A year ago, I met someone who is on probation for six more years. The problem is that when we met, I knew of his situation but he didn't know I had a child. He still wants a relationship even when I tell him this isn't going to work. He isn't supposed to be around children, so we only see each other when the child is gone on weekends. As far as I'm concerned, there could never be a real relationship because of this problem. I want to call it quits, but every time I try and tell him that, he runs off and says he's going to end his life. I'm not a mean person, but this is a wrong relationship. I need help in just breaking it off clean and dry. -- Cathy, 54
It's always sad when someone threatens to kill themselves if you leave them. But, unfortunately, that's his problem and not yours. He's manipulating your emotions to get what he wants. And he can't have what he wants. If he's legally not allowed to be around children, and you have a child, then your instincts are totally correct that this is a dead-end relationship. Let's hope it doesn't really end with him dead, but your responsibility is to protect your child and your own sanity. What you don't need is his "permission" to end it. Stop "trying" to tell him. Gather your wits together and put your foot down and simply say, "I can't continue this relationship. You know the reasons and I'm not going to argue with you about it. It ends here and now." And then don't agree to see him, don't communicate with him, no texts, no phone calls. If you reinforce his bullying by giving in, even one more time, it will just take that much longer to free yourself from what is a truly unhealthy relationship.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.