He Walked Out
My husband of 8 years has left without a forwarding address, so to speak. Though I do know where he is, he hasn't declared his intentions nor kept in touch. Therefore, I decided to leave him and move back home. This did not come as a big surprise to anyone, but the fact that he just "disappeared" leaves me with the question, how do I explain the situation to the rest of the family? Or don't I? They all know that he left but I'm sure, judging by his past behavior, that he puts the blame on me. I don't want to be the bad guy. What would be a diplomatic way to talk about this? Or should I say nothing? None of us has filed for divorce. -- Angie, 56
Why worry about being diplomatic when the man has simply walked out? I'd say his "intentions" are awfully clear. Tell the truth, if asked by any family members, something like this: "S.O.B. and I were having a lot of problems and he just walked out. Seems we're splitting up for good." Don't fret over what he might say to slant the story in his own favor. You won't BE a bad guy just because he tries to make you out as one. There are always two sides, and anyone who doesn't know that isn't very sophisticated in their thinking. You may as well file for divorce and get your life moving again. Eventually, more of the story will probably come out to all sides of the family, but it won't help if you seem too defensive.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.