Obsessing About His Cheating
I have been with my guy for almost four years, and about four months ago found out that he cheated on me. So I kicked him out, and we've been living separate since then. I love him and would like to continue with him but can't seem to stop thinking about what he did. Please help me. -- Lucy, 28
Have you talked with him about his affair? It can be helpful to know if it was a long-term thing or a one-nighter, or even if he's still seeing that person. The only way to get past betrayal is for both primary parties to want to get past it, and for the cheater to work his way back into your trust by being totally above-board and honest from now on. I expect you'll be thinking about what he did for a long while yet. One doesn't get over these things quickly or all at once. If your relationship is basically sound, it may be worth the effort on both your parts. But he has to allow you to express your feelings of hurt and anger until you've fully had your say.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.