How Long Should a Man Persist?
Every so often I think of past relationships with women I met when I was young and single. I had a few situations along the way where the lady that I loved and wanted to marry said, ''I love you George, but I am not in love with you." We remained "friends," with me hoping in time that she would really fall in love with me. It was time wasted. It is said that persistence can win a lady's heart, but it didn't work for me. By the way, I'm very happily married, and I also had a 42-year marriage to a woman who is in heaven today.
My question is how long should one persist to capture a woman's heart - a woman who initially rejects you but wants to continue to maintain a close friendship with you? -- George, 86
A man probably shouldn't actually try to capture a woman's heart. Rather two people find each other and realize they love one another and are compatible and want to commit to making a life together. At least, in my opinion, that's the ideal. You don't want to fool or persuade anyone into falling for you. And you don't want to push yourself on someone who only wants to be friends. It's your choice whether you want to keep up a "close" friendship with a woman who has rejected your romantic proposals. Some men find it very uncomfortable, while some think it's a worthwhile use of their time. But if you stay friends in hopes the woman will change her mind and realize she loves you in a romantic way, you're probably closing off too many other doors. No really means no, or else someone is playing games. And who wants a woman who plays those hard-to-get games?
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.