Wrong in Too Many Ways
I know I shouldn't be, but I'm totally in love with a married woman, who just happens to be my three-layers-up boss and 10 years younger than me. I think she's interested also but afraid of repercussions if we got together. Should I go ahead and tell her how I feel or just back off and crawl in a corner? -- Jim, 57
How can you possibly be "totally in love" with someone whom you only think is interested too? What you mean is that you feel very attracted to her. So far, normal, natural, and understandable. If there were some way you could spend time with her casually, not in a boss/underling setting, that might give you a clue as to how to proceed. But as things are, the risks of repercussions in such an office affair are very real, to both of you. And I suspect she fears she has more to lose. Don't come right out and tell her how you feel, since feelings of attraction are common enough. No big deal there (except to your needy heart). By verbalizing such feelings to her, you'd only put her on the spot. Maybe crawling in a corner for a little while would cool you off.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.