Friends with Benefits
I was in a "friends with benefits" relationship for about three months. We talked to each other almost daily and saw each other at least once a week. The way he talked and planned for the future made me believe we were headed towards a real relationship. But a blast from the past wanted to try again and he accepted her. However, he will contact me about every two weeks, and he recently sent me a text stating that a mutual friend said I was losing weight and looking good. When I brought it up to the mutual friend, he said he never said that and they didn't talk about me at all. I believe him. I am confused. Am I reading too much into it or is he just trying to stay friends? -- Heather, 38
You're trying too hard to read something into a conversation that may or may not have happened, and that may or may not have meant anything regardless. If your friend with benefits decided to take up another woman's offer of benefits instead of yours, that imagined relationship you thought you were heading towards was only an illusion. Why not stop being there for his bi-weekly contacts? Don't let him think you're just sitting around waiting for him to come back and give you a crumb of attention. What you had was temporary until something more interesting popped up for him. Now it's your turn to find someone else to focus on.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.