How to Move On?
I can't seem to move on, and it's been nine years since my divorce. My ex has moved on, and the women I've dated seem to be less desirable than my ex, whom I still love. I can't meet anyone, and I've tried for a while. There is no chance for reconciliation with my ex. What do I do? -- Ken, 62
You need to widen your dating pool, Ken. Also, take your time getting to know each woman you date. If you compare them too soon with your ex, whom you are still emotionally attached to, none of them is going to come out too well on your rating scale. You can grow to love someone, even if those feelings aren't instantaneous.
When you say you "can't meet anyone," what do you mean? Do you live in a tiny town where everyone is married? In most areas, there are so many venues in which to meet women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. So many divorced or widowed women ready for new partners. Join groups, try online dating, get involved in volunteer activities, let everyone you know that you're available. I understand you've tried for a while, but if it's been a long while, then maybe it's time to get help from a friend (do you have any female friends?) who can offer clues for improving your odds. Consider some counseling to help you finally get over your ex. Only then will you truly be open to someone new.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.