When It Rains, It Pours
I'm 48 and have just resumed dating after being away from the dating game for four years. Three weeks ago, I began dating a great guy. But the problem is, yet another man wants to get to know me better. We've spoken on the phone several times and he just asked me to lunch. Should I let both men know that I'm seeing the other? -- Renee, 48
Isn't that the way things always are: a long drought and then too much rain to handle. Actually, though, you're finding yourself in a nice position, one where you have choices. The answer to your question of who to tell what, and when, depends somewhat on your level of intimacy with Guy #1. Whether you're sleeping with him or not, you should be having a conversation about what level of exclusivity you expect of one another at this point. You can do that without pressure by saying something like, "Someone has asked me to lunch, and I didn't want to keep it a secret, so I was wondering how you felt about that?"
As for Guy #2, consider being quite upfront with him, too. "I'd love to meet you, but I've been dating another fellow for a few weeks and I'm not sure where that's going. Perhaps we could hold off on the lunch for a bit?" Honesty about everyone's expectations is usually the best way to juggle more than one guy at a time, if that's what you choose to do.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.