Jekyll and Hyde
From the night we stepped into the house from our reception, my husband of eight years has been like Jekyll and Hyde. He has called me vulgar names, he doesn't see to my needs, and I found out that he views pornography on TV. He won't even acknowledge my constant efforts to communicate with him, telling me that we don't have a problem. I even wrote him a note, but all he did was to set it back on my desk. When I asked him if he read it, he simply said, "Yes, I read all of it." He is still involved with pornography, now on his cell phone. He is constantly saying I love you, but calling me slut or not even talking to me is not love! He has no respect for me, and when we're home together, all he does is sit in his room watching TV and eating. Now I don't want to talk anymore. I don't know what to do. -- Valerie, 57
Your husband must have figured he was getting a comfortable deal when he married you. Needs of your own? Complaints? Who knew women needed to be paid attention to after the wedding?! I may be kidding, but he clearly isn't. There is no excuse for the emotional abuse you describe. I'm not necessarily counting the pornography, as that's a whole other issue. Many marriages manage to jog along happily even though the husband indulges in the easy arousal of pornography. But your husband calls you vulgar names and won't respond to constant requests to talk about what's upsetting you. That's abuse, plain and simple. He wants things his own way and sees no reason to give you any of what you want. It's unlikely he'd consider counseling, but you could try. Beyond that, this doesn't sound like a relationship you are going to be able to save. That's always
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.