Truth About Break-up
My girlfriend of a month just broke up with me saying that she doesn't feel comfortable around me. She said that she just didn't feel like herself. I think it's because we didn't get to spend very much time one on one, as we were with friends most of the time. I think it might also be because we didn't know each other too well yet. We got along well though, and I think I'm going to see if she wants to hang out as friends again and see if we get to know each other more, then see what happens. I guess my question is what can I do to make her feel more comfortable around me? Also should I keep trying or is there some other reason she broke up with me and she's just making up a reason to break it off? -- Nick, 20
It's hard to analyze what "feeling comfortable" means to any one person, but you know it when you feel it. I wouldn't attribute it to not knowing each other well enough or because you spent little time alone together. She may be having trouble articulating exactly what felt wrong to her, but you should take her word for it and let go. Pretty much each time a girl breaks up with a guy, it's because she feels the relationship isn't what she had hoped for. Perhaps she felt you (and your friends) had certain expectations of her that didn't feel right to her. Maybe she wants more humor, less humor, less drinking, deeper conversation? Who knows? If you do decide to try again somehow, don't be pushy about it. When a girl decides to tell a guy good-bye, it can be really upsetting to be pursued.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.