Not Sure He Loves Her
I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for the past seven months. She is always telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of her life. My problem is I don't know if I actually love her back. I tell her I love her, and for the most part I think I do. I really don't want to keep a relationship going because I am unsure, but I don't want to lose her. What do you think I should do? -- Robert, 25
You need to be more honest with her. It's simply unfair to tell her you love her when you're not sure you do. I suggest a gentle conversation about your relationship. Let her know you're just not sure about "forever" yet, but you don't want to lose her. It often takes longer than half a year to be ready to make a commitment that you are able to stick with for the rest of your life. Tell her you love being with her, but need more time before you can be absolutely certain. She may be hurt, and she may want reassurance that you're not seeing other women. Just don't make the mistake of giving her a list of reasons you're not sure she's perfect enough for you. She'd never forget them.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.