How to Ditch a Leech
I have been seeing this man for over a year. Before we sleep together, he always asks me if I have gone to the bank and if I'm going to take care of him. I've only recently realized that he is only sleeping with me for money. I love this man so much, but I realize he is using me and that I let him do it. Besides that, he has a girlfriend that he's been with for 16 years who lives near him. He spends lots of nights at her house, while only giving me two hours once a month. I give him about $300 a month. He doesn't need my money, as he has plenty of his own. I'm a very attractive lady, and I know what I need to do but can't kick him to the curb. He is a big time user, and I need to know how to put a stop to this. -- Lacey, 55
You are paying him way too much for his paltry two hours of time. You could get a really good plumber for $150 an hour. So why do you persist in letting yourself be used in this obvious and abusive way? Your real question should be how do you fill those two hours a month in a more constructive way. Kicking him to the curb seems only fitting. Maybe you can make it easier: don't go to the bank next time he comes. Tell him you're not paying him anymore. I suspect he'll kick himself to the curb. At the very least, you can pay a therapist that money to help you figure out why you can't stop loving such a two-timing exploiter.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.