Old Boyfriend vs. New
I've had a boyfriend for the past two years, and I love him so much. We decided recently that we want to get married but then an old friend from high school moved home and he likes me. We've gone out a few times and my boyfriend has been very supportive of me figuring out what I want, even though I can tell that it is really hard for him. I have a lot more in common with the new guy, but I just can't stop thinking about how bad I want to marry my boyfriend. What should I do? -- Heather, 21
If you're this unsure about who you really want, you're not ready to make a commitment. Obviously. It's to your current boyfriend's credit that he is willing to give you time to figure yourself out, but I wonder what's going on. You decided to get married and then you started going out with an old boyfriend? Once you commit to marriage, you're agreeing to give up all other guys. That means that even if someone attractive comes along, and no matter if someone else finds YOU attractive, you say no and remain true to your husband (or husband-to-be). How about making a list of what's good and what's not so good about each of these guys. And if it turns out you really aren't sure, then date and get to know both of them better, or either of them, for the time being. I understand about longing to get married, but don't think it's going to make everything easy. Maybe you're just not ready to make a commitment and stick to it.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.,
is a social psychologist and relationship expert. She is a bestselling and award-winning author whose latest book is "Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way." She has written for and been quoted in Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, Family Circle, Women's Health & Fitness, YM, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, Child, and many others. She also consults and teaches writing online. Read her complete bio!
NOTE: The information contained herein is provided for information purposes, and not intended as a substitute for advice or treatment that may or should be prescribed by your physician or recommended by your therapist.