Dope Date

An old friend from high school had gotten in touch with me via a few mutual friends. We caught up briefly and decided to make a date. First of all, his apartment was located in the most dangerous section of the city, so I was already scared out of my mind. Second, when I asked him where we were going for our date, his response was, "Well, I can't go too far from home. I am under house arrest." Then, he started to show me his knife collection and alcoholic beverage bottle collection. He then suggested we go get some ice cream, but of course he had to call his resource officer first. As we were walking through the living room, I saw a gigantic fat guy snoring in the Laz-E-Boy chair in his underwear. It turns out that was his father. We went to get ice cream, and shortly after, he started smoking pot. Then, he suggested we rent a movie. About halfway through the show, without warning, he jumped right on top of me and started kissing my neck. I shoved him off and told him that was not the right time. Then he got a slice of pizza and, instead of chewing like a normal human being, he begins slurping it. I almost puked. When he got up to use the bathroom, I quietly slipped my shoes on and left. He showed up at my work the next day yelling, and I had security escort him out.

— Emily, 21

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