Drunken Bowler

As it's been a few years since this has happened, I finally am able to look back on this without attempting some kind of crime. There was this cute guy who my co-worker set me up with, as I was single and tired of it. By her description, he was sweet. When he arrived at my doorstep, he greeted me with a rose and I thought he was nothing but good news. Well, he took me to this really nice French restaurant where I had wanted to go for a long time. I was excited, but a little surprised when he downed his drinks like water, and ate his food slightly like a bear. It was embarrassing and I pretended not to notice. Well, until he got REALLY drunk, and loud, and persistently asked me for my purse. As he got louder and louder, I wanted to make him stop, so I just gave him it. He took it and actually ran to the men's room; and, when he came back, he shouted, "GONE NOW!" I was in disbelief and humiliated, so I ran to my car to leave a.s.a.p. That's when I realized the keys were in my purse, so basically I was stuck. At this point, he trudged out (no doubt he didn't even pay the bill) and took his keys and sat in his car. I was a bit nervous, but at the time I felt like I wanted to be moral and not cause the death of innocent people by the drunken idiot I was set up with. So, I called to him and told him that, "Maybe we should walk somewhere." He looked at me drunkenly with an idiotic grin and said, "Yourrrr place," and did something that I think was meant to be a wink. I panicked and told him that we should probably go to the bowling alley, as it was right near the restaurant. My plan was to go there, take his keys from him, leave him, call a taxi, and get the hell out. I supposed this was the end to a date I would be telling my friends about and they would be laughing. Well, not exactly. Turns out that he wouldn't give me his keys, and insisted on bowling. I reluctantly agreed (I was beginning to fear him a little bit). As he leaned over to bowl his first round, he let out the hugest fart and everyone in proximity looked at us for a few minutes. He bowled surprisingly well and actually managed to not shoot anywhere but the gutters. It was my turn, and as he handed me a ball, it slipped out of my hand and fell onto his leg. He actually fell over, began crying, and became angry and vengeful. He told me that he was going to get me back with a strike! He grabbed the ball off the floor and shoved it on his fingers. He realized that somehow his fingers had gotten stuck in the ball. He wildly swung his arm up and down and, of course, it released and hit me in the nose. My nose was BROKEN, and blood was rushing all over the place. The front desk of the alley called the ambulance, and the guy just stared at the all the blood rushing all over my face, and told me, "Ewww ... youuurrre disgustinnn," and stumbled away.

— Renee, 26

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