Date with a Clown

I visited an online dating service and introduced myself to a guy who described himself as someone who worked in the theatre arts. He was about my age and nice looking in the photo. We agreed to meet at a local upscale pizza restaurant. When I suggested that he pick up a bottle of wine on the way, he immediately shot the idea down. I was suspicious, but decided to go with it. At the restaurant, he pulled up in a purple Volkswagen, pretty aged at that, parked it and proceeded to come in and greet me. We went over to a table. On the table was a specials menu. He picked it up and began reading aloud each of the specials in a different accent that he thought matched the origin of the item. Following the recitation was a brief, but memorable, miming episode. He didn't make a box, but sure as hell made me want to crawl into one. We ordered a salad and a pizza. When the salad came, he asked what was on it. I replied, "Balsamic vinegar, you know, a wine based vinegar." He froze in place until I assured him that there was no alcohol in it. He then pulled out a print out of my online profile and began to grill me with questions. At the end of the meal, which didn't happen quickly enough, he walked me outside and invited me to his show that following night. At this point, he also told me that he was an actor at the local theatre in town. He was playing Serano and started demonstrating one of the scenes for me on the street. I told him to please save his acting so that I could really enjoy it at the theatre. After a few minutes, he stopped. He then jumped back into his purple car and drove away. Translation of the date: I went out with an alcoholic clown who sucked at impressions!

— Lori, 29

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