Nasty Surprise

I had met this woman online named Marie and we had chatted and flirted for about 4 months. Then, one day, she told me she would be moving to Los Angeles. I couldn't believe it. What luck, as I was really hot for this girl she had a way with words and the sexiest voice I ever heard. As soon as she got into town, she called and I raced over to see her. She was hot! My first thought was, "She's out of my league." I quickly regained my composure and asked her if she had eaten. She said she hadn't and I took her to this great place down on the water front, taking the scenic route on my motorcycle. She loved it; I could tell by the way she held on to me and kept rubbing my chest. When we got to the restaurant, the conversation quickly turned to sex. She was asking me stuff like when was the last time I had sex, was it good, what did I like about it, and she wanted details. I have no problem talking about sex and pretty soon, we were both so hot, we ate a couple bites and were calling for the check. We raced back to my place and she quickly found my room. She sprawled out on the bed, kicking her shoes off. I lay down next to her and we started kissing. With in minutes we were naked. I stopped and told her to wait and let me get the cat out of my room, because I hate when the cat watches. I couldn't find it, so I went back in the room. Right afterwards, I smelled something extremely nasty and my first thought was the cat. I jumped up yelling, "Where's that damn cat!" She said, "It's not in here." I said, "Yes it is. I smell it. The damn thing took a crap." At this point, she told me it must be in the living room. I insisted it was in the bedroom and finally she said, "Would you go get me a beer?" in kind of an impatient tone. So, I go get her a beer and I come back and the bedroom door is locked. A few minutes later, she opens it and she's wearing my robe. She ran off the bathroom. In my room, she already made the bed. Not only that, but she changed the sheets as well. I told her that was nice, but I had just changed the sheets that day. Finally she said, "You really don't know do you?" "Know what?" She said, "That wasn't the cat. It was me." We stayed together for 3 years after that. Any woman who loses control like that, I keep around. Fortunately she never crapped in the bed again.

— Gabe, 32

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