Obsessed with a Girl

There's this girl, right? And I met her before I even liked girls; when boys played with big manly toy trucks and not when we read dating disasters on the internet. But, ever since I started liking girls, I've liked her and it's been a long time since then. We've been "boyfriend and girlfriend" five times, and five times she's broken up with me. So, you would imagine how long it's taken me to finally forget her and start over. But, it's so hard because every time I think my life is going good and I have a steady girlfriend, she comes along and ruins everything. She'll say something that'll lead me on, maybe even accidentally, but I just think that she wants me when she really doesn't. But, two weeks ago, unless I was imagining it (which I'm sure I wasn't because I asked my friend to pinch me), she told me full out that she likes me and that I have a chance! So, what's the problem, you might ask? This is the girl that I've obsessed over ever since I was old enough to obsess over girls, and she likes me. I love her, have notebooks filled with poetry about her from over the years, and she likes me. Just likes me. Still, when I heard this wonderful news I was flying on clouds for about two weeks. The thing is, she can spend two weeks without talking or seeing me because she just likes me and I spend most of my time dreaming about her. So, if I write her an e-mail (which I did) asking her if I could call her and she doesn't answer me (which she did), I think that this means she thinks I'm repulsive and never wants me to call her. Then I found out that this wasn't true, it's just because her internet was disconnected. But, things like this happen all the time. Misinterpreted things that leave me paranoid and without sleep. I've been living like this for almost six years and it's driving me crazy. I just hope we can work it out so I can get some rest. I love her, but maybe if she knew about me being like this, she'd try to be clearer, I guess.

— Jay, 18

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