Not a Knockout

Once, after a long dating slump, I tried the Internet dating scene. I started chatting with a girl who seemed nice, and whose picture showed she was a knockout. After about a week of chatting, we finally decided to meet. When I picked her up, I quickly realized that the picture she had sent was not only not of her, but looked nothing like her--not even close, to put it nicely. Blaming myself for getting into the situation, I decided to take her out anyway, just so I didn't come off as a complete jerk. Needless to say, she was one of the more annoying people I have ever met, with a high-pitched, squeaky voice (probably created by the air leaking out of her head). We got to the restaurant, and after an hour--as I reached the limits of my sanity--her cellphone rang. She went outside so that she could hear to talk. I quickly went to the bar and offered to buy a beer for a guy sitting there if he would wait until she got back, go to the bar's pay phone, and call my cellphone, letting it ring twice before hanging up. When she got back, he called as we had arranged. I pretended to answer and talk for a few minutes. After I "hung up," I told her that it was my sister calling to tell me that her car had broken down and she needed a ride. Then I took her home and never talked to her again.

— Billy, 33

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