Screenplay In The Making

At my age, dating is sometimes a comedy that is dying to be made into a movie, and this one turned out to be no exception. I should preface by saying that I would prefer to take things slowly while dating. I enjoy intimacy as much as anyone does but I need to feel a connection first. I had dated this woman once who turned out to be okay. She was not as attractive as I was used to, but she seemed all right if not a bit quirky. We connected on a few levels. Although I had not yet felt any chemistry, I decided a week or so later to try a second date. In hindsight, that was not a good idea. We got to a restaurant where she began to inhale three drinks and a meal in no time. Then, instead of the movie I had suggested we see afterwards, she said that I could save some money and we could go to her place where I might "get lucky". Unlucky was the word for it. I really did not want to go over there since I really didn't know her yet. At the same time, I didn't want to seem rude. I had been insensitive, knowingly and unknowingly, in some previous relationships. So, I had decided that I would make a sincere effort to finally rid myself of the bad trait. So on the way there, I was treated to having my fingers sucked, which I hated, and to her telling me that she is the world's greatest at sex. Anyway, after I returned from the bathroom at her place, there she was sitting on her bed naked. As I entered the bedroom, I was greeted by the most foul-smelling rear end this side of the cattle auctions. That was followed by drunken, loud, and totally unclassy sexual lines that would have only been welcomed on the set of a low-budget porn flick. What is so difficult about basic personal hygiene and a bit of class? Needless to say, I exited shortly thereafter and never contacted her again. I decided then and there that I would revoke the new rule I had made with myself about not being rude, and instead would definitely say something about any moves that are way out of line. A funny thing happened from all of this. While I was with her, we discovered that we had a mutual friend. Later when I mentioned her, the first thing he said was, "You know she is a nut, right?" Like I said, a screenplay in the making.

— Hank, 52

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