Played For A Kiss

I met this girl at a Catholic youth summer camp my junior year of high school. My best friend, I could tell, liked her. Problem was, the girl, my friend, and I all went to different schools. I saw her about a total of two days, but I didn't want to screw anything up with my friend and her. I think she liked him a bit, too. Not much on the dating scene happened that summer for me or my friend (don't know about her). The next summer, she, my friend, and I are at the same camp again. He had his chance, and I gave him more chances this year. Then I made my moves. She eventually had to decide between us, and asked me for unbiased advice. I related to her how my uncle is a salesman for a computer company, and his advice for tough decisions, is just to go with one, and never look back. That's what she did. I was currently in an unhappy relationship, and so I extracted myself from that one, and officially got together with this girl about two weeks later. We hit it off right from the start. We were both involved in school (she ended up being a valedictorian and I did all right), so we couldn't hang out all that much, and we lived about thirty minutes apart. I went to her birthday, met all her friends. They were cool, and I think they liked me. We hung out and watched a movie another time. Then, one day, I call her and offer to help her with her calculus homework. She was cool with it, so I drove up and got to actually talk to her parents instead of just introducing myself as her boyfriend. They seemed cool with me. Both our moms are retired math teachers, which, I think (being a calculus/physics nerd) is totally awesome. Anyway, a few weeks after this, she says that school is too much for her, and she thinks it would be best if we stopped dating. I figure, that's fine, and I wasn't doing so hot in my classes either. I didn't ever call her back. The first few weeks of my freshman year of college, she emails me, and I find she's attending college in the next city over about thirty minutes away. So, one time, another friend and I go and hang out with her and her friends at a party in her dorm room. I apologized for not calling, and she was fine with it. I kissed her (it was my first kiss) and she kissed me back. That was fun, and we did some more. Somebody put on some music, and we started to dance. I eventually found her hand undoing my zipper (yeah, that one). I whispered in her ear, "No", and she stopped. Easy as that. That night, I slept in her bed with her. Both of us were fully clothed. We cuddled for a few hours, and while I was awake, I thanked God for every second I had with her. The morning came way too soon, and my friend and I left. Before we left, we made tentative plans to party the next weekend, too. So, later on in the week, we instant message each other, and she says that she isn't looking for a relationship right now, and that it's best if we're just friends. She's cool if we come party that weekend, though. So, the next weekend, I call her to see if the party's going on. She text messages me back saying that she's watching a movie with a guy that she likes and says that she emailed me. I never got the email, a message, or anything else. And now I'm confused beyond belief. I was played for a kiss, it looks like. It's in my nature to be eternally forgiving, but this is pushing my limits. Is she trying to play passive aggressive, or hard-to-get? I don't play like that. And I am about the only guy on my entire campus who is really not interested in sex right now. Did I do something wrong? How stupid was I? Praying to God and talking to friends, I'm ready to let her go forever, although it appalls me that somebody could change so much between high school and college. Oh well, I suppose college does that to you. Absolute disaster.

— Clinton, 21

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