Don't Jump to Conclusions

Well, it all started when I met this woman online using a dating web site. We really seemed to get along at first, but then things started going to crap. You see, she was separated at the time that we met, and her divorce was finalized within a month of us meeting. However, so was our little fling. She gave me the "independence spiel" but little did I know how independent she was. We had initially met for lunch one day after trying to for about a week. Previously, one of her kids was sick and we couldn't hook up that week so we postponed it. No big deal. Anyway, when we met face-to-face for the first time, I thought I was looking at an angel. She was a beautiful woman, intelligent, and motivated. Sounds like a great catch, and she may have been. Our lunch date lasted about an hour. The food and conversation were great. From there, we continued calling and emailing each other, and we looked at setting up a little get-together one Saturday evening. She had come by my place of work earlier that Saturday, and we watched a ball game and talked for about two hours. Once again, all seemed well, and we had planned on seeing each other again later that night. The whole premise behind our getting together that night was to celebrate her getting a new job. Well, when I got off work, I called her home phone and left a message. Then, an hour later, I called her cell phone and left a message. Seemingly dissed, I was pissed! So, before I went out on my own that night, I sent her a little nasty email telling her where to go. Well, I check my email the next day and find out that she was out with some friends and that she was "taking care of some of them" and didn't get in until 4:30 a.m. I emailed her back wondering why she just couldn't have returned my call and told me what was going on. Hell, maybe I could have helped. Well, then the whole story came out about how her friend went off to get some drugs and she was stuck "babysitting" another friend, a man. I guess he rode a motorcycle to where they were all partying at, got too drunk to drive, so she takes him back to her place to crash for the night. Apparently, nothing went on, but I couldn't help but wonder. In the end of this little tiff between us, I forgave her and even told her how crappy I felt about being kind of mean to her. Yes, I am that caring, probably too caring. We made up and continued our conversations. About a week and a half later, we decided to go out on a date together on a Thursday. It was hard to do nighttime dating with her because she had her kids every other week. I did the flowers, nice restaurant, and we went to a little club afterwards. We spent about four hours together that night out on the town. When I took her back to her place, she gave me a big ole hug and a nice kiss goodnight. I was pleasantly pleased with the whole thing and couldn't wait to see her again. I genuinely liked this woman and, to some extent, I still do. As I recall, I thought she had originally told me that she was going to her parents' that weekend, but she told me later she was going out of town to an amusement park with a (some) friend(s). Okay, maybe I had misunderstood her previously. So, I wished her well on her weekend and looked forward to seeing her when she got back. The following Monday I emailed her and she responded. I emailed her again, and then got no response. I thought that maybe she was busy or something and let it go. For the past month, I felt that I had instigated most of the communications between us, so I thought I would leave it open for her to contact me over the next few days. Well, she didn't. No call, no email, nothing. I decided to let her know how I felt about the situation, and I did with a very long, intense, email. I think I blew her mind with it because she really didn't know how to respond, and she told me so. She went into a little bit about how she didn't want to have to soothe anyone's feelings and stuff like that. I responded with various emails telling her that now I understood how she felt, and I would take whatever she would give me. Once again, I was caring and understanding, but that was going to change very soon, maybe too soon. Over the weekend, I sent some emails explaining some things about myself, and I even called her cell and sang her a short song, "Fly Me To The Moon" by Sinatra. Well, I didn't receive any response to my actions and felt like she was ignoring me or something. So, that Sunday night, I get drunk and send her an extremely nasty email that essentially told her to kiss my ass. She responded with some not-so-kind words herself and told me what to do. How did I come to my conclusions? Well, I know that she carries a computer and cell phone with her whenever she leaves town because she told me. How can you not give somebody one minute of your time that you are seemingly trying to have a nice relationship with? Also, in a month's time, we only saw each other for a total of seven hours. Call me goofy, but I would think that if you're that interested in somebody you might want to have more than seven hours of contact with that individual. So, how did we get to this point? Me being insecure? Maybe. Her being inconsiderate? Possibly. Both of us being ignorant and stubborn? Probably. All I know now is that a part of me is glad she is gone, but a bigger part of me misses her. Oh well, sometimes you say things that you can't fix, and I did say a lot of things that I now regret. Lesson to be learned from this: Don't jump to conclusions. Communicate and be honest. Good luck to all of you!

— Spencer, 34

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