The Guy's Guide to Breakup

It's a myth that guys are any better at handling a breakup. They're just better at hiding it from the public. You're fine during the day, getting the job done at work, meeting pals for drinks, barely giving your ex even a passing thought - until you find yourself at the bottom of a bottle of tequila, calling her up at ridiculous hours and muttering incoherent pleas to work things out.

Sound familiar? Here's how to take your next breakup like a man.

Cut Ties

Cease all contact with the offending female immediately. Erase her number from your phone, block her email address. Steer clear of any "our" spots; find a new bar, gym and brunch spot if you have to. Return her stuff, take down the photos and remove all signs of her from your home and office. You need to send a message - both to her and to yourself - that you're moving on from the life you had together. Besides, do you really need your next girlfriend to find your ex's stuff still in your closet?

Just Say No

She may insist that you still be friends. You will decline that invitation. She had her chance to be with you, right? Your friendship - like your killer backrubs and delicious morning-after pancakes - is one more thing she won't get to enjoy after the breakup. You can reconsider in a few months, but for now, just say no.

Put the Bottle Down

There are more productive ways to move on than drowning your sorrows in booze - ways that won't make it more tempting to call her at 3 a.m., ways that won't make you puffy and weepy. Ways that won't get you arrested for assault after you mistakenly think you can "totally take that guy." Get out of the house (and the bar) at least a few times a week. Join a gym, head to the movies or...

Call a Girl

Your female friends are much more interested in hearing you vent about the breakup. They'll give you lots of attention and perhaps even some good advice. And they'll look really hot next to you when you're walking around town, which never hurts. Who knows? Maybe one of them will introduce you to your next new girlfriend.

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • Hey, babe. Nice tooth.
  • If you put 11 roses in your arms and looked in the mirror, you would see the twelve most beautiful things in the world.
  • Roses are red; the sun is gold. I'll get on my knees and do as I'm told.
  • I haven't taken my pills, but you work just like Viagra.
  • I lost my virginity--can I have yours?