Stop Looking for a Secret Formula: Create Your Own

When it comes to relationships, so many of us are still seeking answers. Trying to explain what went wrong. Trying to understand our lovers or our ex-partners. Trying to find a magic formula to tell us how to act in the future.

These relationship recipes come in many different forms--friends' advice, mystical ways of making sense of the world, religious proclamations, doing the opposite of what our parents or friends have done, and so on.

Secret to Happiness
We seek answers because we want to know how to live happily ever after. Unfortunately, there's no formula for that...or maybe it is fortunate.

I bet you wish you were as happy as that older couple walking hand in hand on the beach. Or those twenty-somethings making out on the park bench. Little do you know the fights, the frustrating thoughts about their partners, or even the secret lusts and hidden affairs they've had.

Appearances sometimes contradict reality. And so do magic formulas.

Year of the Snake
Some of us dabble in astrology or numerology to find the ideal mate. What sign is compatible with mine? What are my do-not-enter zones in the Zodiac? What if my horoscope tells me not to talk to strangers and I meet an interesting dating prospect? How about numerology? If I'm a 7, am I compatible with a 2? What if this is not a good year for relationships?

And then there are relationship gurus. If they tell you never to text back within 5 minutes, do you stick to that rule? How do you know when to stop making your date chase you and start acting like your real, true self, expressing what you think and what you want?

There are so many rules, and so little time.

Enlightened Path
As in all of life, positive and creative thinking will take you much further than dating schemes that tell you not to do this or only to do that. Do you fit perfectly into some classification scheme? No! Then why do you expect your ideal lover to respond to those prescripted behaviors?

The best scheme truly is magic. Be yourself. Follow your own instincts. If it doesn't work with a seemingly special someone, it's because that person is not special enough for you. Not because you didn't follow the rules or obey the gurus. It's because you are unique, and it will take an extraordinary person to appreciate your rare qualities.

The only rule rules.

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Try These Pickup Lines

  • You must have been a Girl Scout because you have my heart all tied up in knots.
  • If you put 11 roses in your arms and looked in the mirror, you would see the twelve most beautiful things in the world.
  • You never got a second chance to make a first impression.
  • Know what's wrong with you? Not a damn thing.
  • At the laundromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?"