25 Signs She's Ready to Dump You
By Patty Lamberti
It's funny when men act shocked after they get dumped. There are plenty of warning signs. If you notice your woman doing the following, there's trouble on the horizon.
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- Instead of wanting to see the movie Must Love Dogs, she opts for the midnight showing of Eraserhead.
- She is constantly re-reading the Tina Turner biography What's Love Got to Do With It.
- She begins taking down your pictures of Bruce Lee and replaces them with glossy photographs of her mother.
- She watches adult videos--alone.
- Your birthday gift this year was moderately priced luggage.
- You find out that one of her Internet cookies is www.twinbeds.com.
- Lately she has been applying for jobs in Syracuse, NY.
- She does her hair and puts on her makeup on Saturday, then goes out without you.
- For the date of your anniversary her daily planner reads, "Drinks with the girls".
- Her job at the car wash has invited her to a seminar in Las Vegas.
- You find a picture of yourself affixed to her dartboard.
- She's suddenly listening to new music you've never heard of before.
- She is constantly misplacing the jewelry you gave her.
- In looking over your recent grocery receipts you find that she has been purchasing an extraordinary amount of rat poison.
- She's been putting aside money into a savings account called "Russian Husband Fund".
- She has stopped faking her orgasms.
- She pastes a photo of you over a picture of one of "America's Most Wanted" at the post office.
- Lately she has begun looking to the Lifetime Movie Network for psychological advice.
- She always shuts down the Internet when you walk into the room.
- Even though you suffer from asthma, she begins smoking a box to Dutch Master cigars a day.
- She must take sleeping pills the size of grapefruits in order to get to sleep.
- She begins making toast in the bathroom while you are in the tub.
- She walks around town in a T-shirt that says "Hot Stuff on Campus".
- She begins a night course in magic in order to "make someone disappear".
- She no longer wants to kiss you in public.
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