By Patty Lamberti
She's always reading US Weekly and chatting with her friends about Brad and Angelina as if she actually has a shot with him. What's he got that you don't? Read more to find out how you can be more like the stars she gets dreamy eyed about.
Brad Pitt: Begin by asking her to marry you in a very low-key yet romantic setting. For the next year or two, play the dotting husband, thereby making her the envy of all her friends. Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, get a haircut that looks like Billy Idol and begin sleeping with the wild woman at work. End by being reviled by every woman in the nation so that she has more friends than she knows what to do with.
George Clooney: First, gain a reputation as a consummate practical jokester complete with a winning smile and easy charm. Behind her back, and with the aid of a couple of your good-looking pals, plan a high stakes and very dangerous robbery. Successfully complete said robbery and retire to the Caribbean.
Jude Law: To begin with, become hugely successful while riding on the coattails of a former lover. Dump her for your current wife/lover and start making babies. Get caught with your trousers down in front of paparazzi.
Mark Wahlberg: This one takes no money at all. Begin by romancing your lover with adolescent raps about how beautiful she is and how faithful you are. Start a rumor that your private parts are huge.
Tom Cruise: Find a gullible woman at least ten years your junior. Court her secretly for a few months while trying to indoctrinate her into some wacky religion (the Moonies, Rastafarianism, etc.). Once she is completely brainwashed scream at the top of your lungs about how happy you are and how much you love your now future wife. Look out for water pistols.